Going deep.

Lost.

I don't know where i am right now,where I'm headed to and I do not know what awaits me. All i know is that I'm alone and I'm scared. You might think that I'm probably a loner but I'm not. I have friends but i find it hard to sit with them,look them in the eyes and say what the hell I'm feeling right now. 

Poker Face.

People who know me personally think I'm the strong type but I'm not. I tend to keep whatever i feel to myself. I can go on blahblahblah about anything for hours but i couldn't stand talking about what i feel for five minutes. I try to fake a smile everyday so as to avoid people questioning me what's wrong. It's easier that way i guess.

Scared.

Failure = my biggest fear. Now that the Nurse's Licensure Exam is fast approaching, I need to make extra effort in studying. I CANNOT fail that exam. People expect the most out of me and i think it's unfair. My whole life,failure was never an option.

Uncertain.

When i was in grade school, I wanted to become a doctor(i think that was every child's dream).In high school i was choosing between Accounting and Political Science. I ended up taking Nursing. Honestly, until this time, I'm not sure if I really want to be a nurse.  I have always pictured myself in court rooms shouting "Order in the court!" but how can i make it happen now? My mom wouldn't allow me to take on a second course so i probably have to work my ass off to send myself to a law school. 


Thankful.


Despite the fucks life has been giving me recently, I am thankful for a lot of things. 

• My friends,who never knew what's going on with my life but still manage to deal with me.
• My family,who never gave up on me even though I'm not good of a person
• My online buddies,who i find it easy to talk to and share my feelings.
• God, for not listening to me when i wished id be dead.

:))